Key points
- There is an increase in emotional distress among young adults.
- One contributor to emotional distress is the happiness trap.
- Viewing thoughts as suggestions can help defuse their power over us.
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| Stokkete/Shutterstock Source: Stokkete/Shutterstock |
Research suggests that 40% of high school students have experienced feelings of hopelessness in the past year. Between 2016 and 2024, emotional health problems among 18 to 25-year-olds have increased from 21% to 33% with at least 12% experiencing suicidal thoughts in the past year. One contributor to this alarming trend may be how we think about happiness.
According to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), one feature of the human mind is our tendency to avoid negative emotions and experiences. While the term ‘experiential avoidance’ may not sound familiar, we all have encountered avoidance of discomfort in our everyday lives.
Experiential avoidance leads to ‘the happiness trap’. We assume that happiness should be a normal state that we experience throughout life, and if we are not happy, we think there is something defective about who we are. The happiness trap is made more potent by the belief that we need to get rid of our negative experiences and that we should be able to control our thoughts and emotions.
Once all four assumptions about happiness are in place, we fall into the trap. We try to overcome stress by removing stressful feelings. We work to stop smoking by getting rid of our urge to smoke. We attempt to prevent anxiety by staying relaxed and thinking positively. We try to eliminate pain to manage it effectively.
Who would not want to overcome stress, addiction, anxiety, and pain? The problem with the happiness trap is that it violates a fundamental principle of how the mind works—what we don’t want is what we get. The more you try to avoid thoughts, emotions, and negative experiences, the more powerful they become.
The Destructive Normal Mind
When we experience strong emotions and upsetting, fearful thoughts, our automatic response is to regain control. We often react by trying to turn off our feelings, control negative thoughts, distract ourselves, and take control of our circumstances.
You might not realize this, but these natural responses to distress are rigid and inflexible and do not help us restore emotional balance. Avoidance of negative experiences creates more problems than it solves.
Our quest for control leads us to an endless use of avoidance and control strategies. We cut people out of our lives, avoid places and situations, use drugs and other substances to feel less bad, and attempt to stop ourselves from thinking and feeling. Rigid responses lead to an ongoing battle with our thoughts and emotions.
The results of being emotionally off-balance can be serious. Suicidal thinking shows up when we experience emotional distress and only rely on avoidance and control strategies to feel better.
A person becomes suicidal when they see all problems as equally significant and overwhelming, but also view all solutions as equally unacceptable. Their dark, distressing feelings dominate their experience, but they also believe they must eliminate their distress to have a good life. Since they cannot figure out how to eliminate distress, solve problems, and feel better, hopelessness sets in.
As our distress mounts, the mind begins to predict the future. Our unhelpful, noisy minds tell us that we are unloved, unacceptable, or uncared for, and no opportunity exists to change our distressing circumstances. This intense state of emotional chaos and mental inflexibility can easily lead to suicidal thinking, which is one of many inflexible, unhelpful solutions the mind creates.
Think Differently About Thinking
One helpful strategy for handling difficult thoughts is to stand outside of our thoughts and look at them for what they are—just thoughts. More to the point, not only are they simply thoughts, but each thought is also one of many different solutions or suggestions that the mind offers for us to consider.
I encourage people struggling with their unhelpful mind and suicidal thoughts to practice the GSP exercise. If you are interested, try the GPS exercise now and see how it affects your perspective on your thoughts.
- Step One: Plan a trip. Imagine you are traveling from one end of your state or country to the other end. Ideally, you want to be picturing a journey of a few hundred miles.
- Step Two: Use your GPS. On your phone or in your car, you most likely have a map with a trip planning function called GPS. As you enter your trip information, the GPS will suggest several routes.
- Step Three: Look at the options. Your GPS will likely offer many different routes based on cost, time, speed, or mode of transportation.
- Step Four: Consider every possible option. Now imagine that your GPS suggests driving to your nearest airport, where you will charter a private plane to take you to your destination. Upon arriving at your desired location, the GPS suggests you hire a horse-drawn chariot for local sightseeing.
Do you see how ridiculous our minds can be? When our minds suggest self-harm or never waking up again, it is only suggesting what is possible, not what is helpful.
When you have upsetting thoughts, the thoughts you have do not define who you are or even represent what you believe to be true or good. Your thoughts are just one of many possible solutions, random suggestions, and are often ridiculous ideas.
As with any serious mental health struggle, seek out professional help to talk through what you are feeling and thinking. Don’t struggle along—expose your darkness to the light. Talking can help.
Via PT